Letting Go
by Minachiko
Summary: *Warning!! It could be seen as Shonen-ai* An endless torture... a tormented soul... a savior... the final step...


Disclaimer: Don't own Suilkoden, never has never will. (I whish I could though...) So please don't sue, for I have no money.  
  
Warning: *rubs her temples* Ok... People, please, I beg you read this warning. This story could be seen as Shonen-ai. Which means Boy + boy love. It could be seen as Shounen-ai if you want it to be, but it could also just be normal brotherly love, it's actually your choice. But remember it can be seen as Shounen-ai, you have been warned.  
  
Letting Go  
By: Minachiko  
Achieve: Sure  
Story about: Young Master McDohl and Gremio  
  
(Young Master McDohl's POV)  
  
Wind blew though out the night. Cold, ageless... just like me... How many years has passed since the passing of Ted? Yet compared to the rest of the world... I am nothing... but a small... oh so small part... The death of my father... Ted... Odessa... and the close death of Gremio... All a knife thrust upon my heart. I have been through much... yet I still have the appearance of a child... That's where I started as... an innocent child... bright to this world of pain... turned into this cold-blooded killer...  
  
Oh so many say I am a Hero... the Hero who bright freedom... bring the country to an new era... but at what cost...? I could work as death itself counting the lives I have taken... Oh wait... that's exactly what I am... Soul Eater? Remember? Ring a bell? I kill, I take their soul... my power increases... no one knows this... but I have reached such a level that no past Keeper of this Cursed Rune has ever kept... maybe that's why I am doomed to this fate... I dare not past this burden upon anyone else.  
  
Blood... so much blood... Father... my own father... dead upon my own hands. And my best friend... all dead... because of me... and my own friends, people who believed in me... died to protect me... I'm so dirty! I don't disserve their love, their trust, and their lives!!  
  
I rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me; I don't care if they all heard. I don't care anymore, I have to get clean... there's so much blood... blood of innocence, dead because of their loyalty, their believes... I am not a hero; I don't deserve to be called a hero. I am no Hero... There are so much blood upon my hands! I have to clean it off! Off!  
  
Look at my reflection... look at it... so sweet and innocent... I don't suit this reflection... not anymore... not after what I have become... if they would only look into my eyes... the eyes of the cold-blooded killer. So many still think I'm so harmless... but little do they know I could end their live with one single motion of my finger...  
  
"Young Master?"  
  
Gremio... I know that's Gremio... my most loyal servant... Oh Gremio, why are you still here? Why are you still by my side? Even after you have seen what happened to me, what I have become? After you almost... no, you did die for me... Why oh why?  
  
My hands... murder's hands... so dirty, covered in blood, red... flowing... like the life if my victims... first darkness, would surround them... then their life energy slowly starts to leave their vessels... flowing slowly... into me... feeding me... feeding the hunger for souls... their powers... combing.  
  
"Young Master?! Answer the door!!"  
  
Oh my dear Gremio... your worried again arent' you? I always seem to worry you... even when I was younger. Do you remember when I sneaked off into the forest when I was little? When I finally made it back, you were crying, it was the first time I actually saw you cry. Then you scowled me severely, it made me cry. Then you sent me off to my room with the coldest look I've ever seen, I was scared and upset. I thought you hated me... but I was wrong, for not long after you came to my room, held me, and apologized for yelling at me, and you promised you would never leave me again, you would always protect me. And you didn't leave my side that night, lulling me to sleep, protecting me from the monsters of my dreams.  
  
But Gremio, you made that promise to that innocent child... not to this demon that's standing here... whose hand is covered in blood... no not to this monster...  
  
"Young Master!! I'm coming in!"  
  
I hear the door of the room being kicked open. I knew he had entered the room, but I paid no attention. Gremio is just going to leave anyway... just like daddy, just like Ted, Just like Odessa... Odessa... you said to follow my dream... what kind of dream is this? This is no dream... this is a nightmare... a nightmare I can't escape from.  
  
Blood... so much blood...  
  
"Young Master?! Damn, the bathroom... open... agru... I'm sorry for breaking the doors young master. I will take the punishment for it later."  
  
I felt the door of the bathroom being kicked, the door splintered, I felt one piece of wood sliced through my delicate skin, but I felt nothing. When you are surrounded as much darkness as I am. You feel nothing, nothing but cold and void.  
  
Suddenly I felt myself falling... why am I falling? I don't know... all I know is I'm falling... into a dark and cold hole... oh how wonderful, just where I belong... I let myself fall, it would be actually be a bless.  
  
Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms encircling my slander waist, catching me, and pulling me back up, into the light and warmth. It wasn't cold anymore; the strong arms enfolded themselves around me, pulling me into a warm embrace, I rest my head tiredly against the warm chest, I had no energy anyway, my body felt so weak.  
  
"Young master..."  
  
Gremio, you're the one who saved me... my savior... why did you do it?  
  
You larger hand reached down and pulled mine up, my hand that is covered with blood, and you brought it to your lips, kissing it gently. Oh why are you doing that? Don't you know what I have done?  
  
"Young Master... let it go... please... war brings death, it wasn't your fault, your not dirty, your still the same young master I have served so long ago. Beautiful, intelligent, sweet, kind-hearted, and gentle, please young master... let it go..."  
  
You gently cupped my face in your hands, gently you leaned down to kiss my tears away, oh tears... I have cried. I don't know if it's the fact that I didn't even know I was crying or that I could still cry shocked me more. "Let go" you say... but how can I?  
  
"Gremio... " My voice came out choked, "I don't deserve this..."  
  
"But you do..." Your voice is choked also, are you crying too? Why are you crying? For me? "Young master, it is all in the past, you did all you can, but when you are trying to bring out the better, there will always be sacrifices. None of us could have prevented that... let go young master let go..."  
  
"Gremio..." Leave me, you must leave me, I can't... it's too hard... I can't let go... I will only end up hurting you too, leave... just let me self-destruct in my own loneliness, "Don't leave me..."  
  
No no no no no! What have I done! That was not what I was suppose to say to him!  
  
"Never young master... never..." Why are you doing this Gremio? Why? "No matter what you become... the innocent child, the brave leader, the tormented soul, I will always love you... That's why young master... that's why... And it's time young master... time to let go..." You must have seen the question in my eyes Gremio... why must you know me so well...  
  
Letting go...  
  
I'm so tired Gremio... so tired... I can't stay awake anymore Gremio, I need rest, I'm so tired... you must have understood that as I sagged against you. Gently... your always so gentle Gremio, gently you put your arms around me, hosting me into your arms, and easily lifted me.  
  
Letting go...  
  
Warmth... warmth... I bathed myself in your warmth... it almost seemed as a cleansing... I will never become completely clean... but you can always chase the darkness away...  
  
Letting go...  
  
You carried me to my bed, gently setting me back down into the covers, you leaned down to kiss my forehead... your going to leave... no. Stay Gremio... stay... I held on to your arm, it was a weak hold, you could have easily broke it, but you didn't, I think you understand... I need you tonight... I need you to protect me from the darkness tonight... Just like when I was younger, I need you to protect me from my own nightmares. You understood my plead, for you stopped leaving, you gently pulled the covers up again and settled yourself in beside me.  
  
Letting go...  
  
You put your arms around me, pulled my smaller body against your frame, and held me close. I feel warmth, gentle warmth, and I felt safe... I moved closer to your protective hold, I think I understand what you meant now... I think I can finally make sense of things again...  
  
Letting go...  
  
"Don't worry, young master... I, Gremio will protect you from everything... I promise..."  
  
The same promise... same sweet promise... except I knew... this one was eternal.  
  
I Let Go.  
  
***The End***  
  
Minachiko: Alright people. Give me comments please, and I don't really care if you flame me anymore, I did warn you, but it's interesting to see. *shurgs* But I would appreciate good comments even more. So, please tell me what do you think and I don't mind getting comments telling me if I did something wrong, it helps me improve my writing skill. Thank you, please comment! ^o^  



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